Wednesday, January 12, 2011

What it's like to be my CP

I was feeling nostalgic over the weekend (okay, fine, I was also totally procrastinating on a chapter that's driving me CRAZY) so I went back through some of the hundreds and of emails/texts/DMs/chats my CPs and I have exchanged since we started swapping pages and OMG--you do NOT want to be my CP!!!!!!!

I *might* be the biggest pain on the planet. Need proof? Here's a sample of some of the obsessive/confusing/whiny/crazy emails they get from me:

Sent to Sara:
So...I'm having a blonde night, and just realized I sent you the wrong pages AGAIN. So, disregard the first file I sent, and the one I sent tonight, and the email I just sent (yes, I realize that's three wrong batches of pages). THESE are the right pages. (does this even make sense? I think my brain is tired.) Anyway, I will stop spamming your inbox now. Sorry for all the confusion.

Sent to Sarah:
Okay, I know I just sent you a very long email wherein (amongst other ramblings) I said I wouldn't be touching the query right away. So what do I go and do? Yep. I worked on it. I made different yet similar changes from what you suggested. Bad decisions? Good decisions? Thoughts? Am I making it worse? (I'm AWESOME at making things worse). (Oh, and I put some comments in, about the things I'm not sure of and I'm attaching the first one, in case you want to compare the differences.).

Sent to Sara:
Yes, I will probably panic about every remotely exciting thing that happens to me these next few months. Get ready for it. Shannon Querying is going to be a roller coaster ride of stress and panic!

Sent to Sarah:
If you get a desperate email from me later you'll know why. Or if I get so frustrated with my stubborn, too-smart-for-her-own-good, refuses to react like a normal person MC I may track you down so you can convince me it's not a good idea to kill her off 1/3 of the way through the book. 

Sent to Sara:
I'm not sure I have the reactions and emotions right--and it feels kinda talky talk talk to me (yes, talky talk talk. Sometimes I don't think that I deserve to be called a writer) :) 

Sent to Sarah:
Since you already have like 2 emails from me demanding your attention, I thought, why not one more? Yay-here we go!

Sent to Sara:
I'm so tired. I'm not sure if I've ever been this tired in my life. So who knows what a mess this is. Sorry if it is. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Sent to Sarah:
Oops--I hit send before I adjusted the email for you (I wrote it for the other Sara, and then I was PLANNING to copy, paste and edit for you...and then accidentally clicked send too early) So...um...sorry that some of it is repetitive and sorry that some of it is talking about you being on vacation when you're not on vacation. just...um...pick and choose what applies and call the rest a #shannonfail

Sent to Sara:
Okay, I'm nervous.
But I'm sending it.
I am.
AHHHHHHHHH!
Okay, clicking send
For real this time.



Sent to Sarah:
Okay, I'm so excited now, I can't really sit still (which is bad because I'm at work) so I'm going to go hide in the bathroom and giggle for a few minutes--for realz). *runs away with flailing muppet arms*

Sent to Sara:
I can't tell you how much I hate this chapter I'm sending. I can't tell if it's because it sucks or because I've read it so many times I can't feel anything other than dread when I read it. You'll have to tell me if it's the suckfest it feels like it is.

Sent to Sarah:
I'm finally replying! #yay #beexcited #ormaybeafraid #probablyafraid

Sent to Sara:
So I decided to make an alternate file, full of highlighting and notes and all KINDS of fun stuff (it's also 2am right now, so you can imagine how my brain is--I actually considered sending this to Laura. Fortunately I'm still thinking clearly enough to nip that idea in the bud and send it to you instead. Lucky you!!!!). Basically: helllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllp. :)

Sent to Sarah:
Reporter: So, Shannon, you just finished your manuscript re-write/first round of edits. What are you going to do now?
Me: I'M GOING TO....Obsessively check my email waiting for response from the one CP I sent it to whilst biting my nails and NOT working on the synopsis I should be writing.
Reporter:............................
So that's MY day. How's yours?


Um yeah...I don't know why they put up with me. Perhaps I need to send them presents. Lots and lots of presents...

What about you guys--any of you drive your CPs as crazy as I do? *crosses fingers that she's not the only needy one*

37 comments:

  1. Yeah, you're not alone. I tend to send my critique partner lots of follow up questions or if the critique group that I meet with raises issues, I always want to bounce them off her. It's like I have to get an opinion about everything major.

    I'm sure you're a great critique partner.

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  2. I think I'm weak on the receiving end of what any beta reads for me. (I don't officially have CPs. Still looking...sigh.) Some comment or suggestion they may make conjures other questions within but I tend to be shy to ask. I'm afraid to 'bug' them. ahah...I'm getting better at that, though.

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  3. You're funny:) I tend to sit back and bite my nails and freak out until they email back.

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  4. Someone (ie. YOU) surely hacked my email inbox for this post, because I swear some of those could have been copied and pasted straight out of the zombie no sleep highly caffeinated emails my poor crit partners receive from me. :)

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  5. That is too funny! I just started working with a new critique partner who's in the process of moving. I sent her pages (after sending her about 3 blabbering emails) with the note, "Okay, I promise not to bug you again until you're done with your big move!" I lasted approximately 12 hours before making changes to the pages, and sending her another email, "Okay, I swear this is the last time! I won't touch it until I hear back from you!" Right now, I'm getting twitchy to open the file and mess with it more. I feel like a dog that's playing catch with her Master, and I've just retrieved the stick for her. Now I'm standing there, drooling and wagging my tail (tale, rather), saying, "Come on! Throw it! Throw it! Throw it!" Pretty sure I'm gonna get smacked and sent back in the house soon :)

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  6. Oh, Shannon, this made my day!

    The true inner workings of the brilliant writer mind.......

    :)

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  7. hahahahahahah I'm dying laughing :) I love being your CP <3

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  8. The thing about CP's is that if you find a good one, you won't drive them crazy because they know what to expect. Looks like you've got a great one :-)

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  9. Haha, these totally made me laugh! You'd definitely be an amusing CP :)

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  10. It looks like you have a great relationship with your CPs and that's really what you want.

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  11. "Flailing muppet arms"...I love that line. I may cry as I imagine a blonde girl running around at work with thin arms wiggling in all directions. You deserve huge publishing contracts based on that single phrase alone. Seriously.
    Funny Stuff I Write

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  12. Bahahahaha!! love it. Definitely makes me feel a lot less bad for what I put mine through. lol. You just raised the CP harassment bar! In a good way! I think it's an awesome relationship to have with one. Gotta have someone you can go to for all the things and mess up with and all that! Being yourself with them is the thing to strive for.

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  13. LOL! Your email to me was pretty normal :)

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  14. LOL I tend to just bite my nails and wait for their emails... while eating chocolate and spending time on fb or blog hopping.

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  15. You sound pretty normal to me in a crazy writerly way! :-)

    Yay for your great relationship with your lovely CP!!! Take care
    x

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  16. LOL! I don't think you're terrible at all--I think you're adorable!! I *try* not to badger my CP and should probably ask for more than I do, but I'm too thankful for her so, I try to keep it to a minimum. :-)

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  17. Awesome-- that's a billion shades of awesome.

    My CP's emails are like: Um yeah so my kid puked and I"m not going to get to your book today. But I promise I'll get to it by the weekend.

    Next e-mail: Um Sorry I got distracted by Plants Verses Zombies and Twitter-- I only read like 3 pages, I made notes.

    Next email: I won't be able to e-mail you-- because my brain exploded over the awesomeness that I just read... sorry hgkjfgdsjfgldsugfdsfn exploded brain has effected my typing skills.

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  18. Yes, you should send them presents. Ahem.

    You CP a lot of Sara(h)'s...or maybe I just didn't realize how many Sara(h)'s are in the pub world. *suddenly feels very unoriginal*

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  19. LOL-I'm still giggling at this. I love you Shannon - this is SO what I do too! My poor CP probably gets 20 emails a day from me! It's amazing (and lucky) when you find those people you can just click with like that!

    I don't feel nearly as bad about bugging her now!

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  20. Sometimes I get so focused on the e-mail I'm writing that I forget to attach and send the manuscript or pages for them to critique. Yeah.

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  21. I don't have a CP, but after reading all these messages I'm certain she still loves you dearly. :)

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  22. LOL! Your emails alone would make a hysterical novel! I love that about you!

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  23. I know those Sara(h)s!

    My critique partners are all dudes, so we're all like really strong, silent, and humorous about our critiques. We're also probably a bit more novice than you all, well 3 of us are, so that may have something to do with it.

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  24. Mwahahahaha! That's hilarious! I would LOVE to be your CP just to get the occasional laugh! Good times!

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  25. Ha H. I don't think I'm inflicting my CP's with enough of those kinds of email. I think I need to rectify that. :)

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  26. HAHA! Love it. Sounds like you two are perfect critique partners for each other!

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  27. Oh I KNOW I drive my CPs crazy! There are days when I send at least a handful of emails. They deserve so much more than I could ever give them for putting up with me.

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  28. Dude...I am BEYOND CERTAIN I drive my CPs insane...INSANE I tell you! :D And BTW, we totally need lunch soon :D

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  29. Haha, this was very fun to read. Especially since I can relate. Sorta--I don't think I'm quiiiite as bad as you. LOL I do tend to send rashes of rambling emails in response, however. Poor CPs!

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  30. Well....I don't have a CP just yet... (I know, I know *sigh*) But, I found these charming and FULL of personality and so fun! I think they'd make great fodder for an MC who's a writer - maybe? :)

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  31. Hahaha, I remember those!
    Okay, I have a confession. Lean in close because I'm about to whisper....
    I <3 you AND your emails.
    *feels so much better*
    ;)

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  32. LOLOLOL ... just ... LOL

    Thanks for making my night funny. ;)

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  33. HA! These are similar to e-mails I have sent Heather, so I know the crazy well. :-)

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  34. ROTFL! You are awesome. That is all.

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  35. Right now I have the ultimate -- my husband and I invited my CP (who is also our friend) to come live with us for a year so she could focus solely on her writing without having to worry about pesky matters like employment. So now when I want to drive my CP insane, I walk into her bedroom and start talking at her while she's concentrating on something else! Yay!

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  36. It's like you went into my sent mail folder and just copied and pasted. (Which is totally not cool, btw. I'm trying to keep my neuroses under wraps!)

    It's weird, you crit just like me, and you badger your CPs just like me. And you went to USC. I'm starting to think you are me except a way cooler, cuter, more talented version.

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