Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Furthering My Humiliation

Most of you know about the horrifying and humiliating deal I was forced into making with the Universe wherein I agreed to post the YouTube clip of me with thick bangs, getting my butt kicked on a game show when I finally sell my book. But it has since been pointed out that I kind of skipped a step, because I am currently agent-less. And so the call was made for me to make an alternate deal with the Universe in exchange for landing my dream agent.

*Sighs*

I really, really REALLY don't want to do it. I mean, haven't I humiliated myself enough already?

BUT--because I really want a good agent, and because the peer pressure is pretty intense, and because I am currently caught in an epic blog war and fully expect the dares to continue and grow increasingly worse, I have decided to cave in and make another deal. (Why am I doing this? WHY?)

Okay, here we go...

*Clears Throat*

If/When I sign with my dream agent I will record my first vlog and post it for everyone to see.

Now, before anyone cries foul and claims that I'm not picking something humiliating enough, let me explain.  I HATE BEING VIDEOTAPED!!!! Actually, I hate cameras of all kinds, but VIDEO CAMERAS? *shudders* I know that might seem hard to believe considering I went on national television for a game show--but that didn't exactly work out well for me. And if you need further proof consider this: I refused to have a videographer at my wedding. Probably the most important day of my life thus far, when I'm wearing a dress fit for a princess and had a whole team of hair/make-up people making me look as pretty as I possibly could and STILL I refused to be videotaped. So the fact that I'm willing to do it for you guys and the Universe says A LOT!

Also, I haven't told you what I will do in the vlog, so let me correct that now:

(Oh man, WHY am I doing this?)

I promise that in the vlog I will not only announce who my wonderful new agent is, but I will dress up and give a gooey, possibly tearful Academy Awards Style acceptance speech holding some sort of fake trophy.

There! Is that enough humiliation for you guys?

No?

Are you kidding me?

FINE!!!!!!!!!!

(*swears under breath*)

I will also let you guys have input into what I say/who I thank in the speech!

*Cringes*

It can't get anymore dangerous than that. After all, I still remember what happened the last time I turned control over to you guys during the Great Gnome Award Debacle of '09, so I fully expect to get a ton of horrible, humiliating suggestions. *sighs*

I will, however make a few caveats:

1. No cussing/swearing
2. Keep it clean (I try to keep this blog PG rated)
3. I will not say anything controversial/political/religious/bound-to-get-me-into-heated-debates
4. I reserve the right to exclude something if I feel it falls into any of the above categories

I want you guys to have fun with this, but I also don't want this vlog to become the beginning and END of my career so please be kind.

Obviously I won't need it for a bit (I'm still not *quite* ready to query, and my writer's conference isn't until the end of January, where I'll hopefully be meeting a couple of the agents on my wish list) but go ahead and leave your humiliating suggestions in the comments and I promise I will include them when the time comes. I can't guarantee I'll put out a second call for suggestions when it's time to make the vlog (who knows how many more followers I'll have by then--maybe ones who are more evil than you guys!) so this may be your only chance. Have at it!

*Sighs*

Actually, there is one silver lining to this.  Because my deal involves my FIRST vlog, I will not be vlogging anything from now until the deal is fulfilled. Which means the evil and hilarious Frankie cannot dare me into vlogging in our current blog war. Gee...what a shame! *snickers*

Okay, that's enough Shannon Shame for today. Back to editing! (and to working on a really bad movie thanks to Frankie. *Grumbles*)

19 comments:

  1. I'm not sure you'll find any followers who're more evil than the ones you've got, no matter how many you eventually acquire. Just sayin'.

    And in your acceptance speech, I'd like to see a charming, pensive reminiscence about your first ever blate--how nice it was, how witty and talented your blate was, how you still have some lingering regret that it could never work in the long run and you had to move on with the #windinyourhaaaiiiiirrrr. Y'know. Something like that.

    :)

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  2. Got to say I love Simon mentioning the #windinyourhaaaiiiiirrrr.
    Let's see you must of course mention the trauma of almost dying in the casino you tried to burn down and how that has effectively kept you from casinos, litigation and duct tape. ;o) Then it would be nice to hear about how Gnome Awards are what helped you reach this wonderful goal, then maybe a sentence or two about Louis/Simon - the handbag that was there with you through your first big conference...Yeah I will have to think about some more...
    Love this by the way! Good way to keep Frankie at bay too ;o)

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  3. Awe I love Simon. And of course he means your first Blate with me! DUH!!!

    I'm so totally with you on the video thing. I can't even fathom doing a vlog. I COULD possibly make a similar deal with the universe. But I would have to think on it first. And have a query letter ready! Oh and a fully edited book!

    Good luck. And um...who is the dream agent anyway?

    (PS you better TOTALLY thank me in the acceptance speech for being the best blate ever! And for sticking by your side during the #blogwars while the other two kept making it worse. It's not like I suggested that I think you should totally sing a Karaoke song on your next dare or anything...just sayin!)

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  4. Oh And TOTALLY mention how you could not have done it without the Gnome Award!!! That little princess has some great ideas!

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  5. I, too, detest the video camera. So I won't add anything to your speech, just wish you luck and remind you to have FUN with it :)

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  6. This is just fantastic. You really need to finish editing your book because I can't wait to witness all of this humiliation...er....success.

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  7. Hee hee. Lisa and Laura, your comment is priceless, I mean, so terribly uncalled for. I vote you should find some gold duct tape and wrap it around a garden knome and let that be your award.

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  8. Hooray! Maybe we can get a little victory dance, too?

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  9. I still cannot wait to see this movie!

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  10. Oh, wow. I have to say that this deal with the universe is actually quite brilliant. It prolongs, indefinitely, the making of the vlog you so desperately wish to avoid. I see through this entertaining exterior to the genius underneath. Clever girl! ;-)

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  11. I feel your pain. I'd hate that too.

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  12. Simon: You do realize you count as part of those evil followers, don't you? You'll get your wish, I'll talk about our blate--but I will probably talk about how I knew it would never work after I saw a soon-to-be-infamous chair dance. :) (and yes, I figured there would be #windinmyhaaaaiiiiir, even though that was totally an inside joke between Frankie and Marybeth. Grrrr...)

    Southern Princess: Whoa, you're usually so sweet--I think Frankie and I are rubbing off on you! But lol and I'll see what I can come up with. (Sounds like this speech is going to be so complicated I'll have to write an actual script.)

    Marybeth: LOL, of course you were my favorite blate. And you are lucky Frankie is terrified of Karaoke and would be too afraid of retaliation to dare me to do that, or I might have to start a blog war with you. The dream agent is still unknown. I have a wishlist of course, but it really comes down to how they respond to my story. I don't want an agent who isn't excited about my writing, so the "dream agent" will be whichever one on the wish list believed in me the most. Oh, and yes, the gnome award will be prominently featured.

    Jemi: Aw, thanks. I think you might be my new favorite follower. :)

    Lisa and Laura: I figured you'd be happy about this (see what you started?!?!?!?!) I think Frankie and I need to figure out a way to get you guys to vlog again. After all, blog wars can involve more than two blogs. :)

    Heather Z: LOL-I think that will have to be the award! Not sure if gold duct tape exists, but there's always gold spray paint. Oh boy, this is going to be hilarious.

    Heather: OMG-WHY DO YOU HATE ME? VICTORY DANCE? VICTORY DANCE? *Gulp* I may need alcohol for that, but I'll *see* what I can do.

    Hayley: Yay, another person who didn't make me say embarrassing stuff. <3 you!

    Shannon: You are very perceptive oh wise one. If humiliation is inevitable, why not prolong it as long as possible?

    T. Anne: Yeah....I really don't know why I'm doing this. *Shakes fist at peer pressure-ers!*

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  13. *rubs hands together, needs time to think about this.

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  14. Frankie: Oh noes! I was REALLY hoping you'd be too busy editing to notice this post today. Ugh! Remember, I am not above daring you back with white shorts and red wellies!

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  15. lol! I actually thought I was picking the easiest of the 'humiliating stories' I felt so bad for you on the casino one that it just pains me to think how that went down - buuuuuutttttt..... I know that the experience is what today makes you the Shannon we all love, so yeah it should be part of the speech! ;o)
    Oh and um yeah y'all are rubbing off - but in the best ways - been working on the manuscript so yes - you two are inspiration. ;o)

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  16. You are hilarious ... and very brave!

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  17. I feel your pain, Shannon, but I cannot wait for this vlog!

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  18. Southern Princess: Aw, thanks. And you're right. That whole semester definitely made me who I am, so it should be in there. And I'm glad to hear we're also a positive influence (I swear, we're getting quite the reputation out there in the blog world)

    Kelly: Aw thanks. And I'm not sure if it's brave, or very, VERY foolish.

    Sarah: *Sighs* Oh boy, even you've turned against me. I have a feeling the humiliation is going to be EPIC this time.

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  19. I love these deals! Can't wait to see your thank the academy vlog!

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Yay-I love comments! Thank you so much! (But please remember to keep your comments spoiler-free. Also, I try to keep this a happy, positive place. Friendly debate is fine, but always be kind to each other). <3