Well, I think the point that I'm trying to make--very inarticulately--is that I've pulled through. (Hence the Yeah Baby-Austen Powers thing in the title. I know, it's a bit of a stretch but it's all my tired brain could come up with, okay?)
First of all, thank you all for the wonderful, encouraging comments yesterday--you guys are the best!
I also realized that a big part of the problem was that I haven't let myself have a whole lot of "me" time the last couple months--between work, and writing, and blogging, and housework, and cats, and some family stuff--and I'm getting too burned out. (I haven't even let myself read or watch more than 20 minutes of TV a day--it's been kinda hard core).
So my husband took me out for dinner (where I consumed ten million calories--but that's okay, diet can start again tomorrow) and then I came home and took a bath and read for a few minutes and *poof* the idea of writing stopped seeming so horrible. I guess that's what happens when you push yourself too hard. You kill the joy.
Now that the joy is back I spent the rest of the night in full on NaNoRevisMo mode and managed to edit three scenes. I know that doesn't sound like a whole lot, but they needed some pretty major changes so it was actually more work than it seems. And, most importantly, I was really happy with the changes I made.
Last week I had one of those *AHa!* moments in regards to my draft, wherein I FINALLY found an answer to a problem that's been plaguing my plot since the beginning. But, while I wrote down copious notes of the changes and was really excited about it, I've shied away from actually implementing those changes because, well, they're big and weave through tons of scenes and I know as soon as I start it'll be like, "Can open. Worms EVERYWHERE!" (Heh. Friends reference. I love that Chandler Bing.)
So I've been letting those scenes sit on my shoulders like this big load of weight and pressure, kind of like: YOU STILL HAVE TO MAKE THESE CHANGES SHANNON *EVIL LAUGH.* (By the way, that voice sounds like Gollum in my head--not Smeagol--Gollum, when he's all creepy and hissing My Precious!)
Funny thing? Not only was it not quite as big of a nightmare as I thought it would be, (though I'm far from done) it was FUN!
I could finally see the pieces falling into place and I really like where things are going. Piece by piece, bit by bit, I'm getting somewhere. *Happy Dance*
So I'm back on track, coming into a weekend where I have no plans except to Revise, Revise, Revise. Bring it on NaNoRevisMo--I'm ready for you.*
*Well, I think I am. See, today I'm supposed to get another batch of pages from C.J. and, well, she makes me look like a big softie when it comes to critiques. She's spot on, but she notices all kinds of mistakes you made and leaves you wondering how you could be so incompetent--so I'm fully expecting to need lots of deep breaths. *Sighs*