Apparently you guys love reading about my humiliation, because a bunch of you asked to hear all three of the embarrassing stories I gave you to choose from on Friday's post. And, because I am somehow at 115 followers now and feeling incredibly grateful for that, I'm going to oblige and tell one a week for the next three weeks.
I decided to tell them on Mondays because, well, everyone needs a good pick-me-up to shake off a bad case of the Mondays, so if any of you are having a horrible day I hope laughing at me and the insanity/stupidity that's been my life will cheer you up.
So without further ado I present:
Humiliating Story #1: The Great Game Show Debacle.
Okay, first of all, I'm NOT telling you the name of the game show because one of the other contestants has taken the liberty of posting a clip on YouTube, and I'd really rather not have you guys tracking that down. I still have my bangs in it, and they cut to me WAY more than they did the other guy and well, it's embarrassing enough just telling you guys about this--I don't need you having visual aids to go along with it!
(And for those of you who are planning on googling it I'm WAY ahead of you. I checked, and it's not searchable under my name. It's not even searchable under my maiden name--though I doubt any of you even know what that is, or how to spell it. Sorry, without the name of the game show it cannot be found....I hope.)
So anyway, thanks to It's a Small World After All I ended up as a contestant on a really obscure game show when I was 18. (For details of how it happened, you can read an older post I wrote here). And it was the kind of game show where contestants are on for a whole week--which is fabulous when the episodes rerun, because I get a week of humiliation, not just a day (this has happened at least twice--that I'm aware of--and yes my friends ALWAYS find it and call me up giggling)--but, they filmed the whole thing over only two days.
Day One I wasn't an actual playing contestant (the game show had ALL these crazy, confusing rules I can't even begin to explain) so I was placed in the "audience," which basically meant I got to be an extra, without getting paid. Awesome!
And because I was 18 and blonde (and despite the unfortunate bangs, not completely terrible looking) and the kind of people who work as extras on week days during working hours are pretty lame, well, of course I was placed next to the creepiest middle aged guy on the planet who spent the entire day hitting on me. I'm going to call him Mullet Man because in my head he has a mullet. I can't say whether or not he actually did have a mullet (this was almost 10 years ago people) but I always picture him with one so for all intents and purposes let's just say he had one.
Anyway, so Mullet Man had a lot of fun grabbing my arm and bumping my leg and leaning over to whisper to me and pretty much doing anything and everything to thoroughly creep me out and make me feel the need to go home and take a very long shower afterward. Yes, he asked for my phone number. No, he didn't get it. Yes, he asked me if I needed a ride home. No, I did not accept. Yes, he offered to help me get into acting in a way that held all kinds of creepy innuendos about "casting couches." Yes, I kicked him in the crotch. Okay, no, but I should have. Sadly, I was too intimidated by the fact that I was in Hollywood, surrounded by Hollywood people on a Hollywood Sound Stage to risk causing a scene. Instead I endured 8 hours of creepiness and got out there hoping he wouldn't be there the next day.
But, by then I was in the Contestant Area (looking super important and official with my cardboard nametag and fancy schmancy microphone battery pack) so he couldn't get to me--something I was feeling pretty smug about. Until the camera guy took over the role of creepy guy.
The camera guy was more subtle--I'll grant him that--but it was mainly because he couldn't talk to me (it could get me disqualified for cheating, because he might have had access to the questions). Instead he did a lot of staring. And watching. And more staring. And filming me--a lot! (Which brings me back to the YouTube video wherein there is a disproportionately high number of Shannon shots--I swear the guy filmed me more so he'd have an excuse to crouch down in front of me. Grrrr!)
And, if I had ANY doubt about his interest it was confirmed three years later when--in a very bizarre twist of fate that could only happen to me--I ran into the OTHER camera guy (the one who wasn't creepy). We were talking and he kept saying I looked familiar and somehow it came out that I'd been on the game show and suddenly he knew exactly who I was (No really, he even remembered what color sweater I wore). I told him I was surprised he remembered me and he told me he only did because the other camera guy went on and on about wanting to ask me out and it annoyed him so much that he would probably never forget me. Which was weird and awkward and the kind of thing that is a theme in my life.
Oh, and before any of you go thinking that this is some sort of proof of my hotness (or worse, some pathetic attempt at bragging on my part) let me be clear. The guys in question were Middle Aged Mullet Man (*shudders*) and a camera guy, who looked kinda like he hadn't showered in well... a long time.
Now, enduring all of this would've been worth it if I'd actually won something. But sadly I lost. I lost bad. I don't think I won a single round. (You have no idea how hard it is to think with a creepy camera guy crouched two feet away filming you--totally threw off my groove.) It was so bad at one point the host teased me about it, and I made a joke about my buzzer not being on and OH MAN--IF YOU ARE EVER ON A GAME SHOW DO NOT DO THAT!!!!
Both producers cornered me at the next commercial break and gave me a VERY long lecture on how questioning the integrity of the game show is a BIG "no no" and made me feel like they were going to lock me up in the Game Show Jail for five years for my crime. Which only made me even more nervous and do an even worse job answering the questions when they started filming again. Le sigh.
But that's not even the worst part. The worst part is that they coach you about how they want you to act. They want you to clap for the other contestants AND yourself when the questions are answered. They want you to say your answer like you mean it--even if you're totally pulling it out of your butt (which I was doing most of the time.) But then, when you do these things, the host teases you for it. So I not only look like an idiot clapping for myself the whole time and saying my incorrect answers with tons of conviction, I GET MADE FUN OF FOR IT. Also, on this particular game show they had this whole: stand-and-open-the-envelope-while-talking-thing and yeah, I kept botching it. So it's awesome. It's really really awesome that it's out there and occasionally gets reran (the last time was at least a year ago, so I'm totally overdue) and on YouTube. Yep. It's AWESOME to be me!
Okay then. I think that's enough Shannon humiliation for one day. I hope you guys enjoyed. I promise to tell the other two on the next two Mondays, but don't get too used to this! Sooner or later I'm going to run out of humiliating stories to tell. I hope...
Oh and make sure you come back tomorrow. I'm holding A CONTEST OF EPIC PROPORTIONS, but I'm not telling you what it is. You'll have to check back and see...